Suspense takes work. Sitting on the edge of your seat is not sitting at all, it is the physical act of waiting for something to happen.
I am always entertained by the conversations I have had with those fortunate enough to have life figured out. I am captivated at their ability to take all the mysteries of life and fit them into a simple, easy-to-swallow philosophy. They are willing to extrapolate on many different points and have an explanation for everything. I don't even know how to respond to them.
Never comfortable with easy explanations, I make it my mission to poke holes in these theories. Like a snot-nosed kid with a pellet gun, I start taking shots. "But what if....?" is my favorite question, and I usually start and end with the same version of that question - "but what if you haven't thought of everything?"
There is something exciting about digging down into the unexplainable. I love to get caught up in a situation or idea that leaves me surrounded in unknowns.
It is the difference between that b-level, only at Redbox type of movie and the first time you saw The Sixth Sense. The movies that spell out the ending before the opening credits have finished are the very definition of boredom. The others, the movies that have you literally standing up as the ending presents itself, the ones where you the big guy in the back row yells, "No way!" as you realize what has just taken place....those movies are truly suspenseful.
Life with God is suspenseful. When you have given up on the hope the something bigger is right around the corner, you are staking the claim that God's abilities have found their limit.
Even in the darkest of places there is always another twist in the plot.
Life ought to be lived in those moments where the audience is left breathless...where the suspense of a mysterious God speaks for itself and all we can do is sit in awe.
6/20/11
6/19/11
Fathers Day
Have you ever sat in a coffee house waiting for someone to arrive? There is that dilemma of, "Do I order my coffee? Do I wait? Is that guy going to order the last scone?"
There is an odd sense of anticipation in that moment. Groups of people are talking at tables nearby. Others sit alone, yet their solitude has a purpose. You sit alone.....waiting.
Today has left me feeling a lot like that. I have been sitting in my little coffee house staring at an empty seat. I have been a father for just over five years and have always had a good relationship with my own father.
However, there are some very important people in my life that are reminded by a absence in their life today, and I hurt with them.
I have been reading about two guys named Joshua and Eleazar. These guys are the ones that were given the torch after Aaron and Moses. After years of leading the Isrealites in the desert, Moses and Aaron are "gathered to their people," or pass on, and the Hebrew nation is left in the hands of Joshua and Eleazar.
In reality, these men are probably past what we would call middle-aged, but I like to think of them as two young men that have just been handed a great responsibility. The inadequacy they must have felt as they were clothed with the robes of two of the greatest patriarchs in history is indescribable.
I connect strongly to the story of these men because Fathers Day reminds me of a great man who won't be showing up at the coffee house to meet me anytime soon. I long to sit in front of him and ask him questions that no one else can answer. There are words of advice that my heart longs to hear from him, and my ears will never hear.
Sometimes, after his grandchildren have fallen asleep in my house, I look at them and hope that I can one day have the courage or strength to be half the father to them that he was to their mother. I feel inadequate in those moments.
Yet, I feel comforted, strangely, knowing that he would encourage me at those times. With few words he would say just the right thing and my stress would be lightened.
There is very little lacking in my relationship with my dad. I love him dearly. For now however, Fathers Day is a reminder of one of the greatest men I have been blessed to know. It is a reminder to me of the kind of man I strive to be. It is a reminder that I have been joyfully tasked with the responsibility of taking care of his beautiful daughter.
Inadequate? Yeah, I know what that feels like.
There is an odd sense of anticipation in that moment. Groups of people are talking at tables nearby. Others sit alone, yet their solitude has a purpose. You sit alone.....waiting.
Today has left me feeling a lot like that. I have been sitting in my little coffee house staring at an empty seat. I have been a father for just over five years and have always had a good relationship with my own father.
However, there are some very important people in my life that are reminded by a absence in their life today, and I hurt with them.
I have been reading about two guys named Joshua and Eleazar. These guys are the ones that were given the torch after Aaron and Moses. After years of leading the Isrealites in the desert, Moses and Aaron are "gathered to their people," or pass on, and the Hebrew nation is left in the hands of Joshua and Eleazar.
In reality, these men are probably past what we would call middle-aged, but I like to think of them as two young men that have just been handed a great responsibility. The inadequacy they must have felt as they were clothed with the robes of two of the greatest patriarchs in history is indescribable.
I connect strongly to the story of these men because Fathers Day reminds me of a great man who won't be showing up at the coffee house to meet me anytime soon. I long to sit in front of him and ask him questions that no one else can answer. There are words of advice that my heart longs to hear from him, and my ears will never hear.
Sometimes, after his grandchildren have fallen asleep in my house, I look at them and hope that I can one day have the courage or strength to be half the father to them that he was to their mother. I feel inadequate in those moments.
Yet, I feel comforted, strangely, knowing that he would encourage me at those times. With few words he would say just the right thing and my stress would be lightened.
There is very little lacking in my relationship with my dad. I love him dearly. For now however, Fathers Day is a reminder of one of the greatest men I have been blessed to know. It is a reminder to me of the kind of man I strive to be. It is a reminder that I have been joyfully tasked with the responsibility of taking care of his beautiful daughter.
Inadequate? Yeah, I know what that feels like.
6/15/11
A Life of Mystery - Part 1
In my life, there are those times when God has kept quiet.
He has been lost in the stillness....and I am left to genuinely seek him, to ponder over the things of my heart truthfully.
...waiting for a real feeling to take hold.
It is during these times that I say I want peace because I am becoming impatient with His silence. But honestly I have wanted a numbness......the absence of feeling.
The mystery of an infinite God being that intimate with my emotions means that I might not get the feeling I was looking for, but some other emotion that is not easy to control.....fear or passion.....despair or desire.
Paul writes** in hope that we would have the power to “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” How could we pretend to know those measurements unless we have traveled them? We must hike down into the depths, but we cannot control what is down there....
In our daily lives we shy away from mystery. Planning every second of our lives is not hard work, it is merely busy work. It keeps us wrapped up in the mundane, easy-to-understand components of our lives. As for me, I like that tight grasp on the controllable. It makes me feel accomplished and relaxed. It is easy.
My question is this.....is being contained in our calendar really moving us forward? Is it moving us anywhere? Yeah, the car is moving but you’re buckled in nicely.
He has been lost in the stillness....and I am left to genuinely seek him, to ponder over the things of my heart truthfully.
...waiting for a real feeling to take hold.
It is during these times that I say I want peace because I am becoming impatient with His silence. But honestly I have wanted a numbness......the absence of feeling.
The mystery of an infinite God being that intimate with my emotions means that I might not get the feeling I was looking for, but some other emotion that is not easy to control.....fear or passion.....despair or desire.
Paul writes** in hope that we would have the power to “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” How could we pretend to know those measurements unless we have traveled them? We must hike down into the depths, but we cannot control what is down there....
In our daily lives we shy away from mystery. Planning every second of our lives is not hard work, it is merely busy work. It keeps us wrapped up in the mundane, easy-to-understand components of our lives. As for me, I like that tight grasp on the controllable. It makes me feel accomplished and relaxed. It is easy.
My question is this.....is being contained in our calendar really moving us forward? Is it moving us anywhere? Yeah, the car is moving but you’re buckled in nicely.
The adventure and the intrigue are nowhere to be found in that kind of planning. There is nothing to wonder about.
God is mysterious. I want a life of mystery.
6/12/11
The Old Cliché
Cliché is the enemy of the broken and disrupted spirit.
Pardon my negativity here, but when my soul is low I have found it hard to be patient with the clichés I have heard from very well-intentioned friends or strangers.
It seems as though the ground is shaking, the pictures are falling off the walls and the hero approaches you and says...."Don't worry, it's an earthquake!"
Thank you captain obvious.
The ongoing struggle I have with clichés.....especially those of the Christian persuasion.....is that in one sense they seem so commonplace. Yet, I am convinced that what brought a statement like, "when God closes a door, He opens a window," into the realm of common knowledge was the truth inherent in its meaning.
Yeah, I know it's cheesy, but there have been times in my life when I have wanted....even needed that statement to be true for my own sanity.
So you won't see me use a lot of clichés in my written thoughts. I try to avoid them at all cost.
Don't get me wrong.....I am in no way a cliché snob. I understand why people use them.
I have sat around a table when someone has just unloaded their hurt or their despair, and in my total inadequacy said, "there's a reason for everything," when I couldn't handle the silence any longer.
Instead of going to old reliable, I wish I had the strength to say something like:
"I don't know what to say to make you feel better.....maybe because there aren't actually words that would do any good.....or maybe because I don't have the courage to dig into my own painful experiences....but I have to believe that, even in this pain, God's plan is at work. Hopefully one day, you will look back on today and see a reason for what is happening. Until then, I'll walk through this with you."
6/10/11
What I'm Reading
I am currently making my way through a chronological reading of the bible. So far it has gone:
- The beginning of Genesis
- Job
- The rest of Genesis through...
- ....Numbers chapter 7 - today's reading.
Job could easily be a coffee house story in so many ways. A guy down on his luck and his friends meet with him to offer advice....
.....don't tell me you haven't stared emptily at a Starbucks logo on white paper (for much longer than necessary) waiting for your friend(s) to wrap up their useless babbling about their take on your situation.....
The dialogue is reminiscent of most people I know (looks in mirror), and how we all can sit around and wax philosophically about the intentions, thoughts, and actions of an indescribable God. But when we are caught in that little pit of despair - or as we are watching a friend trying to dig out - it is what we do. We pull out the God-looking duct tape and try to fix everything.
These guys say some pretty compelling things and are masters of the faith cliché, but for the most part they are idiots (looks in mirror)....because they just keep talking. It is as though they have convinced themselves that the right answer will eventually fall out of their face as long as they keep flapping their gums.
Job is experiencing true heartache. He is broken. He is overflowing with frustration and confusion.....man, can I relate to that. And now all his friends have brought to the injury party is a big bag of insults. So he looks up and asks the question....your favorite and mine.....why?
And this is my favorite part.....in a crazy way, I know.......God doesn't answer.
I mean, He responds, but not the way Job's buddies do....
He looks down at all the drama going on in their coffee house chat and says something to the effect of:
"Well, well.....look who knows so much....how about this? What if I ask you a question?"
If you haven't read it in a while...or at all...I would recommend taking a look.
.....don't tell me you haven't stared emptily at a Starbucks logo on white paper (for much longer than necessary) waiting for your friend(s) to wrap up their useless babbling about their take on your situation.....
The dialogue is reminiscent of most people I know (looks in mirror), and how we all can sit around and wax philosophically about the intentions, thoughts, and actions of an indescribable God. But when we are caught in that little pit of despair - or as we are watching a friend trying to dig out - it is what we do. We pull out the God-looking duct tape and try to fix everything.
These guys say some pretty compelling things and are masters of the faith cliché, but for the most part they are idiots (looks in mirror)....because they just keep talking. It is as though they have convinced themselves that the right answer will eventually fall out of their face as long as they keep flapping their gums.
Job is experiencing true heartache. He is broken. He is overflowing with frustration and confusion.....man, can I relate to that. And now all his friends have brought to the injury party is a big bag of insults. So he looks up and asks the question....your favorite and mine.....why?
And this is my favorite part.....in a crazy way, I know.......God doesn't answer.
I mean, He responds, but not the way Job's buddies do....
He looks down at all the drama going on in their coffee house chat and says something to the effect of:
"Well, well.....look who knows so much....how about this? What if I ask you a question?"
2 "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?What follows is one of the best corrections of perspective I have ever read. I always feel a little small and a lot humbled by the greatness of God's words here....and that is just His words.
3 Dress for action like a man;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.
4 "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.
5 Who determined its measurements—surely you know!"......Job 38:1
If you haven't read it in a while...or at all...I would recommend taking a look.
6/8/11
The Coffee House
I have set aside a small part of my brain for special occasions. I go there when I want to escape the runaround of everyday life and find a moment of peace. It is my solace, or refuge from the crazies. It's nice, you should swing by sometime.
It is my own personal coffee house.
I love coffee. Truly. But I don't think I am IN love with it. I am enamored by the idea of a coffee house. Dirty walls, wrought iron miscellany, and an old guy playing the bass and wearing an eternally hopeful grin.
...and of course the decor must contain some type of red or burgundy fabric, felt-like in nature.
Things connect to my soul better if they have a coffee stain on them. It just brings me to life. Maybe it is the artistic hippie/snob in me trying to break free, I don't know. I do know that it is a place I can go to reflect.
Sometimes, I end up in a real coffee house - Starbucks or the local mom-and-pop. Sometimes, I just brew a cup o' joe and steal away to a quiet spot on the back yard. But I always end up in that same little place in my mind.
I love to bring my bible there and ponder the things of eternity. Will you join me?
It is my own personal coffee house.
I love coffee. Truly. But I don't think I am IN love with it. I am enamored by the idea of a coffee house. Dirty walls, wrought iron miscellany, and an old guy playing the bass and wearing an eternally hopeful grin.
...and of course the decor must contain some type of red or burgundy fabric, felt-like in nature.
Things connect to my soul better if they have a coffee stain on them. It just brings me to life. Maybe it is the artistic hippie/snob in me trying to break free, I don't know. I do know that it is a place I can go to reflect.
Sometimes, I end up in a real coffee house - Starbucks or the local mom-and-pop. Sometimes, I just brew a cup o' joe and steal away to a quiet spot on the back yard. But I always end up in that same little place in my mind.
I love to bring my bible there and ponder the things of eternity. Will you join me?
The Pastor
I have always wanted to meet that wise old sage in the kung fu movies. You know, the guy who fully understands the question, the answer, and the end of the story before the hero figures out what to ask. He is slightly amused at the amateur and his quest, yet fulfilled by the opportunity to guide.
Ironically, the traveler/hero is another character I would love to see more of. He is headstrong and idealistic, passionate in whatever pursuit that has captured his heart. Moved by truth, or honor, or revenge, our hero will not be discouraged. I like to watch how his youth, however, makes him pause and seek the sage. He has power that must be reigned in by wisdom.
It is exciting to see the hero's heart guided by the discernment of the sage.
As it is, I have known both of these characters in my life. They do not talk like Mr. Miyagi or paint their faces like William Wallace, but they have changed my life. Wise old souls guiding my passion. Youthful hearts allowing my (limited) experience to speak.
My heart comes alive in the middle of these two experiences.
Is this not what a pastor should be? Balancing in one spirit the power of the Almighty and the frailty of humanity. A fellow sojourner in that dangerous place between boldness and humility.
This is who I am striving to be.
Ironically, the traveler/hero is another character I would love to see more of. He is headstrong and idealistic, passionate in whatever pursuit that has captured his heart. Moved by truth, or honor, or revenge, our hero will not be discouraged. I like to watch how his youth, however, makes him pause and seek the sage. He has power that must be reigned in by wisdom.
It is exciting to see the hero's heart guided by the discernment of the sage.
As it is, I have known both of these characters in my life. They do not talk like Mr. Miyagi or paint their faces like William Wallace, but they have changed my life. Wise old souls guiding my passion. Youthful hearts allowing my (limited) experience to speak.
My heart comes alive in the middle of these two experiences.
Is this not what a pastor should be? Balancing in one spirit the power of the Almighty and the frailty of humanity. A fellow sojourner in that dangerous place between boldness and humility.
This is who I am striving to be.
The Big "Why?"
In the combination of pastor and coffee house you find an opportunity sit with a friend and delve into the mysterious workings of a very real and very personal God. A coffee house never thinks twice about the couple arguing, the girlfriends laughing, or the group of men commiserating.
There is no judgment in what is said over a cup of java....except of course from those that like their coffee black towards those of us that like frilly creamers.
I happen to love church. I have enjoyed my endeavors into the debate over what makes a ministry effective, or exciting, or relevant....whatever the current buzz word may be. Church and community are crucial to the faith journey I am daily committing to.
There is church that happens, however, in the face to face we can have in manageable, intimate places....like perhaps, a coffee house.
That is what I would like this place to be.
I think I am going to like this conversation....I hope you do as well.
There is no judgment in what is said over a cup of java....except of course from those that like their coffee black towards those of us that like frilly creamers.
I happen to love church. I have enjoyed my endeavors into the debate over what makes a ministry effective, or exciting, or relevant....whatever the current buzz word may be. Church and community are crucial to the faith journey I am daily committing to.
There is church that happens, however, in the face to face we can have in manageable, intimate places....like perhaps, a coffee house.
That is what I would like this place to be.
I think I am going to like this conversation....I hope you do as well.
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