3/25/12
Writing......deep sigh.....
9/30/11
Can you stir that?!?!
I was in line at Starbucks one day behind a man that was not having a good morning. He screamed at the barista because, apparently, she had not stirred his Iced Latte to his liking. He asked her to get a big spoon or stir stick and give a nice mixing. For some reason, she was not allowed to do this.
As an observer of this scene, and not being a person who has a food handler's card, I have very little opinion on the level of stirring that occurred. I can say however that the man's anger was unnecessary. I noticed too that the barista was very visibly shaken (not stirred, ha!) by the way she had been treated - regarding an Iced Latte. In fact, she took it out on the caramel bottle as she finished my Caramel Macchiatto.
I was thinking this morning that some days I am the man on one side of the counter. Screaming at the top of my lungs because I didn't get my way. Selfish. Ridiculous.
Some days, I am the barista, feeling beat up by everything around me.
I would rather be the old dude in the corner, reading his newspaper, handing out free smiles to everyone coming and going.
Who are you today?
9/11/11
September 11 - Impact
"In the desert He was there
On the mountain He was there
In the valley deep He was there
Everywhere I look my God is there"
~ He Was There by David Crowder*Band
For a week or two I have thought about writing a tear-jerking memorial to the victims of 9/11 and to all of America - helping us all reflect on the impact of the events that happened ten years ago.
The truth is, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I've been in a funk today.
I have heard September 11, 2001 described as The Day that Rocked the World - and it rocked my world. It still does from time to time when I have short bursts of reflection about that day and the days following.
But today...like many days...the impact in my heart is slight at best. I am unattached. Unaffected. Unconcerned. I am just being real.
The lack of attachment, however, inspired me to write. Is this not like my connection to God on far too many days? If a terrible attack on a city 2,500 miles away can lead me to tears on some random Thursday, how much more should my heart leap at the presence of the God of the universe?
Yet, on days like today...I am unaware. Unmotivated. Unmoved.
But God is not. Or...should I say...God is. He is fully available in all situations at all times. He is not impacted by my funk, He is just present...always.
We have questions about 9/11. We have questions about any of life's tragedies. Why? How? Sometimes we whisper them in disbelief to each other. Sometimes we exhale them in prayer. Other times we scream them, from the tops of our lungs, at the heavens - demanding answers.
Other days we have no emotions. We just float through life impacted very little by the events around us and go to bed an hour early due to sheer boredom.
Regardless of the day...The Day that Rocked the World...or the day I went to bed early...God is ever present. He stands close and waits for us to seek Him. He comforts. He loves. "Everywhere I look my God is there."
13You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13
On the mountain He was there
In the valley deep He was there
Everywhere I look my God is there"
~ He Was There by David Crowder*Band
For a week or two I have thought about writing a tear-jerking memorial to the victims of 9/11 and to all of America - helping us all reflect on the impact of the events that happened ten years ago.
The truth is, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I've been in a funk today.
I have heard September 11, 2001 described as The Day that Rocked the World - and it rocked my world. It still does from time to time when I have short bursts of reflection about that day and the days following.
But today...like many days...the impact in my heart is slight at best. I am unattached. Unaffected. Unconcerned. I am just being real.
The lack of attachment, however, inspired me to write. Is this not like my connection to God on far too many days? If a terrible attack on a city 2,500 miles away can lead me to tears on some random Thursday, how much more should my heart leap at the presence of the God of the universe?
Yet, on days like today...I am unaware. Unmotivated. Unmoved.
But God is not. Or...should I say...God is. He is fully available in all situations at all times. He is not impacted by my funk, He is just present...always.
We have questions about 9/11. We have questions about any of life's tragedies. Why? How? Sometimes we whisper them in disbelief to each other. Sometimes we exhale them in prayer. Other times we scream them, from the tops of our lungs, at the heavens - demanding answers.
Other days we have no emotions. We just float through life impacted very little by the events around us and go to bed an hour early due to sheer boredom.
Regardless of the day...The Day that Rocked the World...or the day I went to bed early...God is ever present. He stands close and waits for us to seek Him. He comforts. He loves. "Everywhere I look my God is there."
13You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13
6/20/11
A Life of Mystery - Part 2
Suspense takes work. Sitting on the edge of your seat is not sitting at all, it is the physical act of waiting for something to happen.
I am always entertained by the conversations I have had with those fortunate enough to have life figured out. I am captivated at their ability to take all the mysteries of life and fit them into a simple, easy-to-swallow philosophy. They are willing to extrapolate on many different points and have an explanation for everything. I don't even know how to respond to them.
Never comfortable with easy explanations, I make it my mission to poke holes in these theories. Like a snot-nosed kid with a pellet gun, I start taking shots. "But what if....?" is my favorite question, and I usually start and end with the same version of that question - "but what if you haven't thought of everything?"
There is something exciting about digging down into the unexplainable. I love to get caught up in a situation or idea that leaves me surrounded in unknowns.
It is the difference between that b-level, only at Redbox type of movie and the first time you saw The Sixth Sense. The movies that spell out the ending before the opening credits have finished are the very definition of boredom. The others, the movies that have you literally standing up as the ending presents itself, the ones where you the big guy in the back row yells, "No way!" as you realize what has just taken place....those movies are truly suspenseful.
Life with God is suspenseful. When you have given up on the hope the something bigger is right around the corner, you are staking the claim that God's abilities have found their limit.
Even in the darkest of places there is always another twist in the plot.
Life ought to be lived in those moments where the audience is left breathless...where the suspense of a mysterious God speaks for itself and all we can do is sit in awe.
I am always entertained by the conversations I have had with those fortunate enough to have life figured out. I am captivated at their ability to take all the mysteries of life and fit them into a simple, easy-to-swallow philosophy. They are willing to extrapolate on many different points and have an explanation for everything. I don't even know how to respond to them.
Never comfortable with easy explanations, I make it my mission to poke holes in these theories. Like a snot-nosed kid with a pellet gun, I start taking shots. "But what if....?" is my favorite question, and I usually start and end with the same version of that question - "but what if you haven't thought of everything?"
There is something exciting about digging down into the unexplainable. I love to get caught up in a situation or idea that leaves me surrounded in unknowns.
It is the difference between that b-level, only at Redbox type of movie and the first time you saw The Sixth Sense. The movies that spell out the ending before the opening credits have finished are the very definition of boredom. The others, the movies that have you literally standing up as the ending presents itself, the ones where you the big guy in the back row yells, "No way!" as you realize what has just taken place....those movies are truly suspenseful.
Life with God is suspenseful. When you have given up on the hope the something bigger is right around the corner, you are staking the claim that God's abilities have found their limit.
Even in the darkest of places there is always another twist in the plot.
Life ought to be lived in those moments where the audience is left breathless...where the suspense of a mysterious God speaks for itself and all we can do is sit in awe.
6/19/11
Fathers Day
Have you ever sat in a coffee house waiting for someone to arrive? There is that dilemma of, "Do I order my coffee? Do I wait? Is that guy going to order the last scone?"
There is an odd sense of anticipation in that moment. Groups of people are talking at tables nearby. Others sit alone, yet their solitude has a purpose. You sit alone.....waiting.
Today has left me feeling a lot like that. I have been sitting in my little coffee house staring at an empty seat. I have been a father for just over five years and have always had a good relationship with my own father.
However, there are some very important people in my life that are reminded by a absence in their life today, and I hurt with them.
I have been reading about two guys named Joshua and Eleazar. These guys are the ones that were given the torch after Aaron and Moses. After years of leading the Isrealites in the desert, Moses and Aaron are "gathered to their people," or pass on, and the Hebrew nation is left in the hands of Joshua and Eleazar.
In reality, these men are probably past what we would call middle-aged, but I like to think of them as two young men that have just been handed a great responsibility. The inadequacy they must have felt as they were clothed with the robes of two of the greatest patriarchs in history is indescribable.
I connect strongly to the story of these men because Fathers Day reminds me of a great man who won't be showing up at the coffee house to meet me anytime soon. I long to sit in front of him and ask him questions that no one else can answer. There are words of advice that my heart longs to hear from him, and my ears will never hear.
Sometimes, after his grandchildren have fallen asleep in my house, I look at them and hope that I can one day have the courage or strength to be half the father to them that he was to their mother. I feel inadequate in those moments.
Yet, I feel comforted, strangely, knowing that he would encourage me at those times. With few words he would say just the right thing and my stress would be lightened.
There is very little lacking in my relationship with my dad. I love him dearly. For now however, Fathers Day is a reminder of one of the greatest men I have been blessed to know. It is a reminder to me of the kind of man I strive to be. It is a reminder that I have been joyfully tasked with the responsibility of taking care of his beautiful daughter.
Inadequate? Yeah, I know what that feels like.
There is an odd sense of anticipation in that moment. Groups of people are talking at tables nearby. Others sit alone, yet their solitude has a purpose. You sit alone.....waiting.
Today has left me feeling a lot like that. I have been sitting in my little coffee house staring at an empty seat. I have been a father for just over five years and have always had a good relationship with my own father.
However, there are some very important people in my life that are reminded by a absence in their life today, and I hurt with them.
I have been reading about two guys named Joshua and Eleazar. These guys are the ones that were given the torch after Aaron and Moses. After years of leading the Isrealites in the desert, Moses and Aaron are "gathered to their people," or pass on, and the Hebrew nation is left in the hands of Joshua and Eleazar.
In reality, these men are probably past what we would call middle-aged, but I like to think of them as two young men that have just been handed a great responsibility. The inadequacy they must have felt as they were clothed with the robes of two of the greatest patriarchs in history is indescribable.
I connect strongly to the story of these men because Fathers Day reminds me of a great man who won't be showing up at the coffee house to meet me anytime soon. I long to sit in front of him and ask him questions that no one else can answer. There are words of advice that my heart longs to hear from him, and my ears will never hear.
Sometimes, after his grandchildren have fallen asleep in my house, I look at them and hope that I can one day have the courage or strength to be half the father to them that he was to their mother. I feel inadequate in those moments.
Yet, I feel comforted, strangely, knowing that he would encourage me at those times. With few words he would say just the right thing and my stress would be lightened.
There is very little lacking in my relationship with my dad. I love him dearly. For now however, Fathers Day is a reminder of one of the greatest men I have been blessed to know. It is a reminder to me of the kind of man I strive to be. It is a reminder that I have been joyfully tasked with the responsibility of taking care of his beautiful daughter.
Inadequate? Yeah, I know what that feels like.
6/15/11
A Life of Mystery - Part 1
In my life, there are those times when God has kept quiet.
He has been lost in the stillness....and I am left to genuinely seek him, to ponder over the things of my heart truthfully.
...waiting for a real feeling to take hold.
It is during these times that I say I want peace because I am becoming impatient with His silence. But honestly I have wanted a numbness......the absence of feeling.
The mystery of an infinite God being that intimate with my emotions means that I might not get the feeling I was looking for, but some other emotion that is not easy to control.....fear or passion.....despair or desire.
Paul writes** in hope that we would have the power to “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” How could we pretend to know those measurements unless we have traveled them? We must hike down into the depths, but we cannot control what is down there....
In our daily lives we shy away from mystery. Planning every second of our lives is not hard work, it is merely busy work. It keeps us wrapped up in the mundane, easy-to-understand components of our lives. As for me, I like that tight grasp on the controllable. It makes me feel accomplished and relaxed. It is easy.
My question is this.....is being contained in our calendar really moving us forward? Is it moving us anywhere? Yeah, the car is moving but you’re buckled in nicely.
He has been lost in the stillness....and I am left to genuinely seek him, to ponder over the things of my heart truthfully.
...waiting for a real feeling to take hold.
It is during these times that I say I want peace because I am becoming impatient with His silence. But honestly I have wanted a numbness......the absence of feeling.
The mystery of an infinite God being that intimate with my emotions means that I might not get the feeling I was looking for, but some other emotion that is not easy to control.....fear or passion.....despair or desire.
Paul writes** in hope that we would have the power to “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” How could we pretend to know those measurements unless we have traveled them? We must hike down into the depths, but we cannot control what is down there....
In our daily lives we shy away from mystery. Planning every second of our lives is not hard work, it is merely busy work. It keeps us wrapped up in the mundane, easy-to-understand components of our lives. As for me, I like that tight grasp on the controllable. It makes me feel accomplished and relaxed. It is easy.
My question is this.....is being contained in our calendar really moving us forward? Is it moving us anywhere? Yeah, the car is moving but you’re buckled in nicely.
The adventure and the intrigue are nowhere to be found in that kind of planning. There is nothing to wonder about.
God is mysterious. I want a life of mystery.
6/12/11
The Old Cliché
Cliché is the enemy of the broken and disrupted spirit.
Pardon my negativity here, but when my soul is low I have found it hard to be patient with the clichés I have heard from very well-intentioned friends or strangers.
It seems as though the ground is shaking, the pictures are falling off the walls and the hero approaches you and says...."Don't worry, it's an earthquake!"
Thank you captain obvious.
The ongoing struggle I have with clichés.....especially those of the Christian persuasion.....is that in one sense they seem so commonplace. Yet, I am convinced that what brought a statement like, "when God closes a door, He opens a window," into the realm of common knowledge was the truth inherent in its meaning.
Yeah, I know it's cheesy, but there have been times in my life when I have wanted....even needed that statement to be true for my own sanity.
So you won't see me use a lot of clichés in my written thoughts. I try to avoid them at all cost.
Don't get me wrong.....I am in no way a cliché snob. I understand why people use them.
I have sat around a table when someone has just unloaded their hurt or their despair, and in my total inadequacy said, "there's a reason for everything," when I couldn't handle the silence any longer.
Instead of going to old reliable, I wish I had the strength to say something like:
"I don't know what to say to make you feel better.....maybe because there aren't actually words that would do any good.....or maybe because I don't have the courage to dig into my own painful experiences....but I have to believe that, even in this pain, God's plan is at work. Hopefully one day, you will look back on today and see a reason for what is happening. Until then, I'll walk through this with you."
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